Run for health? No that is not my reason.

This post is a personal journal entry for myself, but you might find it interesting.

I have never really run for any reason other than the occasional spurt to get healthy. Tonight I ran. I ran for a different reason. I ran to get out. To escape.

There is this constant noise of things that develop into my mind. It is a chaos. It is an oscillation amongst finances, school (homework), ability to attain focus, spirituality, schedules, my life goal and God. It creates a fog. These things cloud my mind. They cause me to lose focus and to stress. From an attempt to simply comprehend and contemplate all these problems I become blinded to any possible progress to any ends. Focus and concentration is the solution this is one thing I can see. However, doing this is so difficult. There is such a powerful tornado of thoughts. Meditation works, but only for so long.

So tonight I ran. I ran until I was tired. Then I ran some more. I ran to feel. I ran, because I have become numb. I ran to feel something, even if it is the pain of my muscles as they secumb to fatigue. The night is so peaceful. The more I ran the more I yielded to my present experience. My thoughts cleared as my senses grew stronger. My sweat doing its best to cool me, heat increasing, muscles growing more tired, and the repeating footsteps of my feet as they echoed on the concrete. I experienced the world as it was for that short time. After the run, I find it much easier to direct my thoughts. This all occurred around 2:00 am in the morning - the run lasted about an hour (constant running). The campus is so quiet. The sky is of stars. It is a run of solitude. A run which is invaluable, and I believe I will continue in the future. A run which leaves me very receptive and very much un-blinded.

Oct 20, 2008

From a Reply to Nihilism - A Renewed Theory On Life

This was an email reply to someone I recently met. I felt it conveyed some new things very well, so I decided to post it here for preponderance.

This post I do not mean to preach. Change views or convert. It is as much for myself as it is for you. Please read objectively. I worried I came across a little preachy in the beginning - just keep reading though) I jumped gears a couple times so do your best to follow.

Zhac, your view of this is a realistic one. I have not encountered Nihilism before. It makes sense to strictly act on what we know. It does not leave room for faith because it does not need faith to solve the world's problems, faith is irrelevant here. I think I have followed that line of thinking many times. I have often wondered if an agnostic view is ideal (I do not want to put words in your mouth, but I am assuming you are not concluding either way as to the existence of something more than the physical world.) You are right, we don't acknowledge ourselves as much as should be as something special or rare.

It bothers me when people thank God for providing the food on the table almost robotically every meal. What is special of this food that warrants a special ear of God to hear? Why thank him for something man did the work to harvest and grow? This almost seems insincere, you did something for yourself don't misplace credit, but at the same time too much concern for yourself is almost destructive. God made the rules, and he may live within everything, but I think people go to far and drift into fanaticism sometimes - and attribute way to much to him. People have there own damn minds, they make their own choices. Bad things happen not because God allows them to, but because people make bad things happen. This is not to say I think thanking God for something is wrong. I just believe followers of God need to put more thought into what they are actually saying to him and what they are actually appreciative for - speaking to him passionately and honestly. I have a lot of different thoughts and views.

I will admit I do choose to believe in God, and in Jesus. I choose to do this, because I do have a choice. God may or may not exist. A world without him, without something more greatly scares me though. This is where a very intelligent person would tell me I am creating my desire for God our of fear out of a need for a greater protection, this is where someone would tell me I am acting out of a fundamental human weakness - using God as a construct to explain what I deny. This is not of direct logic or reason. These statements may be true, but if I take the supposition of the consequence of the opposite - No greater power existing. Life becomes almost worthless. This is where your Nihilism becomes interesting, because while it allows for either outcome (God or no God), it theorizes a life without meaning. What you and I believe matters not, however. We are all just speculating. What matters is in the actions that result.

You are right in saying 100% certainty is a dangerous thing. This is true for less traditional things as well. Very little in this world is 100% certainty, most of it is very high probability theory. For example we cannot know with 100% certainty that the world around us "exists" as a physical entity. We could all be in a simulation for the senses....this is ridiculous from experience, for we have no reason to conclude this nor could we really know if we were. This creates a uncertainty in these principles, that we often treat as certain. So from that perspective what do we really know? This isn't really an argument for God rather an argument of realism. We can't know for certain much of anything. There are some principles that may be arguably certain (2+2=4, I see that apple), but these are self manifested truths of certainty (They are certain because we make them so.)

My point is that debating the arguments of the ages is entertaining, but really is almost irrelevant - because its all speculation. I believe eventually one could conclude that walking the walk is where things really matter. This is the fulfillment of the results of theory (the talk.) The really interesting thing is the "walk" can be equivalent with many different views, and the walk has real world effects and consequences. It is what it is.

Theory might change how one goes about the action and create conflictions, but this is where tolerance really shines. You can't have any great change without a lot of tolerance. Action has shade of Grey. Sometimes it works a little, sometimes a lot. Actions are not right or wrong all the time, they just work better or worse than other actions. The point I am trying to drive is that we can have different beliefs, but similar goals. We can conclude the same actions. This is where if there is a God, I believe he would understand. We can only do our best with what we experience and what we know, I believe in my perspective of God that he would be understanding of this. This makes theory irrelevant, but action very relevant.

Assuming God Exists:
My perspective of God is that he is understanding, all seeing, and merciful. He loves his children as a father loves his family. He cares greatly about them. My perspective is that in this view, God would understand believing differently from your brothers. He would understand children disagreeing on weather a log is brown or black. He would understand disagreements on life. The thing a father does not like to see is hate, fighting, and divide. Those who create it may have to be sent away for the peace of the family.
This is where I might conclude that God cares not what I see, what I believe, or what I think you should believe. What he cares about is that we can still communicate and care about each other through these differences. What he cares about is that we don't destroy each other out of the jealousy of being right or wrong. What he cares about is tolerance.What he cares about is what is in you heart, and what actions you take based on your heart.

Thus it is no longer about weather God exists or does not exist. It is how we act, and how well we "play" together. This is a valid path for many religions, beliefs, philosophies, and ideas. Simply good actions. Actions that unify, and not divide. Actions with foresight and understanding. Actions with tolerance. Actions that improve the world. That feed the hungry. That remove the hate. That remove the genocide. That give the abused\ill\ignored\poor children the life they should have.~ Actions that change the world.

I believe regardless of religion or faith, following the actions in this way, are of benefit. If God is watching I am sure they are heaven bound actions as well :)

These thoughts are not really very heavily developed. I spoke them and thought them as I typed. So I aplogize if what I have said is conveyed wrong or incorrectly. Please ask or propose a clarification if something is not clear. (my disclaimer)

Oct 15, 2008

What if a sure ticket to heaven...Wasn't.

-----This is one of my religious views and it will be carried under religious context. This is written mainly with Christians in mind, though is relevent to all cultures, religions, and peoples. So please don't take this as preaching or zealotry - I am merely proposing this as thought.-------

There are a-lot of Christians who are sure they will go-to heaven. They believe if they are deeply (and pridefully) religious and as long as they accept Jesus as their Savior they have a near sure shot "into heaven." Suppose that these objectives were wrong. Suppose judgment was not passed on what we traditionally believe. After all the people before the flood probably thought hey we aren't bad people.

Tradition could agree that people who go-to hell primarily do so because they are sinners. A Christian would take this two steps farther and add lack of repentance and failure to accept Jesus as their savior, but what if we got this all wrong.

Suppose Judgment is passed based on Intolerance.
The Sin is a result. This is why we can repent for it. There is something subtle a tier below Sin. Something that causes a great amount of sin, and with it hatred, divide, and war. This is Intolerance. Intolerance subtlety creeps in and makes even the most loving brothers turn against one another.

To make sure I am clear let me define intolerance.
1. lack of toleration; unwillingness or refusal to tolerate or respect contrary opinions or beliefs, persons of different races or backgrounds, etc.

Intolerance sneaks in. If you look around you, if you look at common discussion, if you look at people; intolerance makes a showing nearly all the time. There is so much intolerance in this world. It spawns hate which is not defined traditionally as a sin, but hate divides and creates sin. My opinion is that God would not want this in Heaven. Sin is an effect. God would likely look at the cause.

Here is the real kicker:
Many of you hardcore Christians under this model - are not heaven bound. You create hatred and divide in the world without even realizing it. You blind yourselves in your fanaticism. You say everyone else is wrong. You say there are no other paths. You create divisions. You build walls. This is not the way of life the man your religion was founded on, carried. Jesus embraced this. He had understanding, love, and care regardless of division of belief, he didn't seek to build walls in exclusion and forced acceptance of belief or all is lost. It was simple. Have tolerance for your fellow man. Understand that while you believe different things it is ok. Simply don't spawn hatred and division because of it, because this I believe will send one to hell, and so many of you Christians are doing this! Most every deeply Christian person I know is guilty of this.
Jesus' original teachings do not echo these views of intolerance. This world is becoming extremely intolerant as a whole, and this I am curious is a possible cause for the end of our times - not a world of sin, but one of intolerance. Christians are not the only ones guilty of this, but we are as a whole some of the most push-ful in the choose us or go-to hell methodology - possibly to much irony.

1 Tolerance is the fruit of
judgment. The whole world
before thee is as a little grain of the
balance, and envy is an unequal
measure of the LORD's way.
An amazing site. I suggest reading it all if you are a religious person, believing in God. This is a Christian man, but a different one than most Christians - one I believe sees, his words seem of the heart.

Oct 9, 2008

The World

I want to fix the world.
I want to change it.
I want show people the way.
I want this world to be happy.
I cry for this world and I do not mean this metaphorically.
Genocide, child abuse, intolerance, racism, rape, child soldiers, corruption, greed, power, envy, homicide, hate, ignorance, discrimination, poverty, sickness - this can be changed.
This enrages my soul.
Inside I scream, I yell, as I find my way these things torture my soul ever more.
I want to change it.
Help me change it.
Please don't let me become a dark Shepard.
Please don't let me become a lost Sheep.
Please don't let me lose my way.

Oct 8, 2008

Watch it.

Watch it. This is awesome.

I don't know why...

I don't know how or why. This site has affected me profoundly. It came along just when I needed it. It touched a soul tempered with reason, logic, and confusion. Thank you. I hear your message.